AboutIt's from our darkest times that we learn how bright we can shine.
I grew up in a small town in North Alabama where I began writing poetry at a very young age. Although I loved writing, I kept my hobby a secret from friends and fellow classmates out of fear of being made fun of. I was already teased for being a straight A student and labeled as a "teacher's pet" and a "goody goody". After years of being called these names, I decided to show a different side of myself. I began associating with different people and started smoking, drinking, and experimenting with many different drugs. After that, I never thought about writing again. My life began slowly spiraling out of control. Poor decisions led me into two mentally and emotionally abusive marriages. My second one turned out to be physically abusive as well. My drinking and drug use became much worse over time. That was the only way I knew how to cope with all of the physical and emotional pain. At 29 years old, I was hospitalized twice due to alcohol withdrawals. I was told that if I would've waited any longer to arrive at the hospital, I might not have made it due to organ failure. The doctor told me he had never seen anyone at my age with such a significant amount of liver damage. I was told that if I didn't stop drinking, I would not make it to 35. I continued to drink and as years passed by, I was in and out of jail multiple times due to alcohol and drug related charges. I entered many rehab programs, both in-patient and out-patient, but none were successful in helping me with my battle. I lost custody of my three daughters on more than one occasion through these years of chaos. The last time I lost them, they were taken by Alabama Department of Human Resources (DHR) and placed in a foster home. I lost everything including a house, a car, a job, friends, and family. I ended up living in a homeless shelter for a while, which was a very humbling experience. I tried to commit suicide twice by overdosing because I was so sick of living as the person I had become. I begged God to just let me die because I didn't want to be here anymore. I was truly living as a prisoner in my own body. I've now been sober for over two years and it's only because of the miracles that God has worked in my life. I was originally told by DHR that I would never see my girls again until they were adults and could make that decision for themselves. At the first custody hearing, DHR's recommendations were for the foster parents to adopt all 3 of my girls. God poured His mercy out on me that day because it's only His power that made that judge go against the recommendations of adoption and decide to give me one more chance to get my children back. After a year and a half of doing every single thing that DHR required me to; random drug screens, ISP meetings, weekly counseling, 12 weeks of parenting classes, weekly supervised visits which turned into unsupervised visits and then over night visits, home visits by DHR, court dates, and so much more, a judge finally granted full custody to me of all 3 of my daughters. The relationship between my daughters and I is a much stronger one now because of everything we've been through. I started back writing less than a year ago and quickly remembered how beneficial it is for me. It has not only helped me ease into sobriety, but also being a sober parent for the first time since I've had kids. When life feels like it's starting to cave in on me, instead of turning to substances like I did in the past, I start releasing thoughts out of my mind and onto paper. God knew how I would always stumble through words when trying to speak them, so He gave me the gift of writing. Unfortunately, I denied that gift for so long and it caused me to stumble through most of my life. I was too worried about fitting in, to see what God was presenting me with. Now, all of the emotions, feelings, and passion that addiction took away for so long, spills out of me in the form of ink and each blank page is like waking up to a brand new day. This gift that I kept hidden from the world for so long, is now the gift that gives me freedom from this world. Today, life has such a new meaning for me and I can't wait to live it. Reclaiming my gift, That addiction took away from me. A new door has been opened, Now I write for my sobriety. |